


Bitterness is Ugly

by MUFUMUFUSENPAI



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bitter Lance, Black Paladin Keith, Blue Paladin Allura, But he's trying, Everyone is trying tbh, Gen, Indulgent Fic, Insecure Lance (Voltron), It's a long and hard road for both Lance and Red, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance and Red bonding, Lance and Red try to bond together, Lance and Red will go on their own adventures, Lance isn't perfect, Lance will try to be a good paladin no matter the Lion, Langst, Lion Swap, M/M, Paladin Swap, Socially Awkward Keith, mentions of Shiro, red paladin lance, she/her pronouns for pidge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-04 01:14:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10979304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MUFUMUFUSENPAI/pseuds/MUFUMUFUSENPAI
Summary: Lance is apart of the swap that happened between the paladins after Shiro is confirmed missing.Needless to say, no one is happy.





	Bitterness is Ugly

**Author's Note:**

> As much as I like Black Paladin!Lance, I'd still like to see him try to thrive with Red. No way that their relationship will start off happy, and there will be trials that Lance will have to go through with Red for them to even approach a bond that doesn't hurt both of them, and for them to work with each other fluidly.
> 
> Also, Lance isn't perfect in my interpretation of him. He's impulsive, and an over thinker, and get's rather insecure and defensive whenever things are called into question. So much so that he can become really salty and sad in the process, and doesn't know how to feel about things. Sorry if he seems a bit OOC, haha. ;a;
> 
> Other than all that, please R&R!

Lance felt fucking bitter.

“I don’t agree with this,” he protested, sullenly. But he knew already that the princess’s decision was final, and no one was happy about it. Keith shot him a hard glare, as well as the princess; both of them were co-oping this whole ‘team’ together, and it was starting to piss Lance right the fuck off. “Just thought you guys should know,” Lance justified himself, glaring right back. “After all, we’re a team, and people need to be heard.”

And not have their opinions and shit brushed off to the side like they were fucking _nothing_.

“We need Voltron,” Keith hedged, dangerously.

“For what?” Lance spat, folding his arms. He refused to bow, especially to a hot-head like Keith. Perfect and prodigious Keith, who could do no wrong. Lance was once again going to be used as a placeholder for Keith, and pilot the Red Lion in his place. Allura was taking Blue, and Keith was taking Black-- Lance pressed his eyes tight to fight the nausea that lurched in his stomach.

“For Zarkon,” Allura sounded like she was personally offended by Lance’s question. Not that that was much different from how she usually is around him, to be honest; she was always exasperated with him, even before he opened his mouth.

“He’s fucking dead,” Lance delivered, bluntly. “I say we find Shiro, and then we’ll worry about dismantling the rest of the Galra Empire; we owe it to Shiro--”

“Don’t fucking tell me what _we_ owe to Shiro,” Keith snarled, eyes flashing. “He wanted me to lead Voltron, and that’s final.”

Lance felt irritation swell up inside him. “Wow, gee,” he drawled, feeling ice creep into his voice. “I wonder why that would be; it’s not like Shiro fucking played favorites, or anything,” he said in mock surprise, finally letting out the salt that had been slowly building up inside him.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Keith replied, voice dangerously calm now. Lance felt slightly vindictive at the fact that he was able to piss off the greasy haired mullet so much that he appeared calm now. Lance wanted to push it a bit further, wanted to provoke him, wanted him to make the first punch so he could retaliate.

Wanted to show the team how Keith would be a bad leader.

 _Lance didn’t want to let go of Blue, seemingly the first thing ever to want_ him _first._

Before the water could boil over, however, Allura stepped in.

“Lance,” she barked, voice cold and hard. It made Lance reel back, trying to compose himself and the raging storm inside him. He felt similar to the waves of the ocean during a hurricane, turbulent and dark. “I do no appreciate your provoking of Keith, and Keith, as new leader of Voltron, you need to learn how to keep your team in control without them rebelling against you.” She shot Keith an appraising look, Keith baring his teeth at her before pulling back and glancing away stubbornly. Lance was subjected to another heavy glare from Allura, which he shouldered with a cool look. “Lance, this will only be temporary, and I do not understand your complaints with the arrangements we had made.”

 _We_ had made. As if Lance had any fucking say in the matter; Hunk and Pidge, too, for that matter. It seemed like Shiro, Allura, and Keith deemed their word as law, and rest of the Paladins had to work around that. Not to mention the fact that Lance was being pushed to the Red Lion, and that-- that was a whole can of worms that he didn’t want to open.

Lance didn’t want to be the placeholder for fucking _Keith_.

Not again.

 _He’ll break down, oh_ **_dios mio_ ** **,** _he will_.

Reeling at himself, Lance clamped up. He shot a helpless look at his two friends, Pidge and Hunk. Hunk sent a grimace back, and Pidge frowned, shrugging idly. Nothing there, despite how irritated they seemed with the whole thing. Of course, Lance thought bitterly, _they_ weren’t the ones being shuffled.

“Lance,” Allura sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, and Lance’s attention was once brought to her. “You are always so difficult,” she told him, with a serious frown. “All of us aren’t happy about the switching, but even Keith is taking this better than you.” Lance wasn’t one for hitting girls, but at the moment, Allura wasn’t a pretty princess anymore; she was a fucking _bitch_ , and if Lance wanted to punch that exasperated and knowing look off her face.

 _What did she know about him_ ? Lance didn’t even fucking know himself on the bad days! Who the hell was she to act all high and might, knowing him more than he knew himself? Even Hunk and Pidge never got him sometimes-- Lance, once again, was vividly remembered that even he _himself_ didn’t know himself that well.

It--

Lance, before he could do anything rash or damage his reputation, turned on his heel and stormed from the room. A burning, and tearing, sensation was ripping his chest in half, and he felt his eyes starting to water dangerously, even as he felt the uncontrollable waves of the ocean that always torment him pull him under, suffocating.  

He was just so tired of being compared to fucking _Keith_ all the time.

-0-0-0-

Hunk found him later in his room, with a tray full of food.

He didn’t say anything at Lance’s bruised and bloodied knuckles. Lance relaxed slightly as Hunk sat next to him on his bed, passing over the tray of food. “You okay, bud?” Hunk asked, gently. Lance snorted, as he picked at the food.

“Been better,” he muttered, still feel drained and empty from his short outburst earlier that day. It was like every emotion he had felt had been poured out, and he just felt-- empty. Cold, even. “Thanks, dude,” Lance cleared his throat, sending a grateful look towards Hunk.

Hunk, the bestest friend ever, beamed. “No prob, man,” he said. A small pause, and Hunk looked a bit hesitant. “Hey, about earlier,” he started, and Lance groaned.

“I get it, I overreacted, I’m a sensitive little cry baby, wah, wah,” Lance snapped, without heat. He sighed. “Look, I’m over it. I’ll pilot Red, I’ll be the perfect little replacement for fucking Keith, and we’ll never talk about it again,” he insisted, feeling insanely bitter and just. So. Fucking. Tired.

Hunk grimaced. “I didn’t-- I mean,” he ran a hand through his hair, looking stricken. “I don’t like the change either, and I don’t like-- how they brushed you aside like that,” he said slowly, and Lance paused. “I don’t think they meant anything harmful by it, but that doesn’t mean that your concerns aren’t valid because they brush them off like that.”

“Really?” Lance couldn’t help but be skeptical. “It seems that way,” he muttered. “Allura and Keith are always so right in everything. Remember when they ran away? No one got mad at them!” He was still slightly jealous and envious of the fact. He knew that if _he_ ran away, everyone and their mother’s would want his head on a plate. Not that he wanted to run away, or anything; being a Paladin of Voltron was something he felt like he needed to do, had _wanted_ to do even-- but..

Lance closed that line of thought down before it could fester. Nope, let’s not think that now.

“I know, it’s-” Hunk blew out a sigh, swinging an arm around Lance’s shoulder. “But we’ll work through it all, together. I just don’t want you to think that you’re alone in this, I know you have a tendency to bully yourself,” Hunk reminded him, and Lance was once again reminded that Hunk _was_ his best friend. “We’ll find Shiro as fast as we can, and then we can move on from this.”

“...” Lance didn’t want to mention the fact that he wasn’t all that moved about the future. It was the mere fact that everyone was pushing this onto Lance, without his consent, and expecting him to not break from it. Not to be hurt by their assumptions.

But at Hunk’s hopeful face, Lance couldn’t bring himself to bring his concerns up.

Instead, he sighed and sent a wan smile at Hunk.

“Yeah, that sounds good,” he lied.

-0-0-0-

“Before we start practice, we’ll need to formally introduce each Paladin with their _temporary_ ,” Allura emphasized the word, shooting a look at Lance. Lance’s face twitched, and he glanced away, unwilling to look into that judging expression. “Lions,” she continued, loftily. “And work on our bonds as a team, with each other, and the lions,” she finished.

Hunk raised a hand, weakly. “What about Pidge and I? We’re not changing Lions, or anything,” he asked, and Lance hunched in on himself a bit more. Irritation and annoyance was slowly lapping at his ankles like the salty waves of the ocean, cold and sobering.

Lance refused to look at Blue.

Ever since Shiro had went missing, all of the Lions were gathered in one of the many hangars, surrounding the Black Lion. Before the switching, and after the quiet hours of Zarkon’s death, Lance would sneak here to whisper and find comfort in Blue. There were a few days there where Lance felt like everything was going to be alright, and Lance could somehow bring his team together through sheer determination and perseverance. He was slowly but surely figuring his teammates out, and the little in and outs of them, and how to get them to rest, eat, take showers, ect. But now, all that felt for naught, and Lance just felt bitter and rather hollow. Irritation was hot in his gut, burning him, and making him slightly nauseous.

So Lance refused to look at Blue, unable to handle whatever emotional baggage that would burst forth if he did.

“You’re here for emotional support,” Keith offered, awkwardly. He sounded like he rehearsed the lines. “Remember that switching Lions, no matter how temporary, can be traumatizing,” he offered a bit more.

“What the hell?” Lance sputtered, shooting a wild glance at the two ‘co-op’ leaders of Voltron. “I definitely don’t want to do this, then!”

Allura sighed, exasperated. Keith shot him an annoyed glare, which Lance returned with an icy stare of his own. “We’ve been over this, Lance,” Allura stated, calmly as she could.

“ _Uh_ , no we didn’t,” Lance insisted, breaking his stare to frown at the princess. “If I remember correctly, the conversation from last night involved no mention of trauma. Isn’t that right, Hunk? Pidge?” Lance looked to his previous classmates reaction, and Hunk looked guilty. Pidge glanced away, choosing to fiddle with her glasses.

“I forgot to mention it last night,” Hunk admitted, sheepish and guilt ridden. “It just slipped my mind, I’m sorry,” he apologized, and Lance felt ice drench his gut.

Pidge spoke, “After you left, we stayed and finished the conversation.” Her voice was factual, and Lance felt a little betrayed. “It’s not like it would have changed the outcome,” Pidge defended with a slight glare of her own.

“Still,” Lance tries to protest, trying to ignore the hot stabs in his core.

“Lance,” Keith ground out. “No one is getting traumatized, okay? That’s why we’re all here,” he gestured angrily at everyone, himself included. “So shut up, and listen,” Keith tried to reign in his temper, and Lance wanted to scoff. _Don’t tell me what to do, Mullet_.

Feeling outnumbered, and slightly betrayed, left out, Lance just let out a tightly controlled sigh. He wanted to stomp his feet and demand why the hell didn’t they remember to tell him before they suited up, during breakfast? Wanted to storm out again, wanted to punch the wall until some of the hot angry tension in his chest left him, wanted to think more clearly. But that wasn’t going to happen, at least-- not until he left Blue, and was well acquainted with the mullet’s Lion instead.

His fingernails dug painfully into his palm, and Lance kept his stare forward, not looking at anything. Keith and Allura finished speaking in turns, awkwardly in Keith’s case, and straightforward in Allura’s. Allura lacked the compassion that Shiro held in his leadership, and Keith just lacked--- everything.

“Okay!” Allura clapped her hands, looking vaguely excited like a child. She shot an expectant glance at Lance, making him shift uncomfortably. “Lance, lead the way,” she prodded, making Lance want to drop kick her.

Lance shrugged, shuffling forward. Blue’s presence in his mind deepend, smoothing out, the closer he got to her. She was sitting up when they approached, but bent down to purr lovingly at Lance, in his mind. “Hey beautiful,” Lance whispered, voice cracking a bit. He cleared his throat, placing a hand on her smooth surfaces, forcing himself to keep a straight face. “You already know what’s going to happen, don’t you?”

Blue’s purrs stopped, turning eerily silent. A silent, and soft, affirmative rang in his mind.

With a wan smile, Lance forced everything back down until he could hear the faint roar of the ocean in his ears, ringing. “Well, meet Allura, your new Paladin,” he enthused, fake cheer staining his voice. It sounded mocking, even to him. “Allura, this is the best Lion out of Voltron, she likes long walks on the beach, loves romantic comedies, and likes to have her nails painted on certain nights out,” he turned to Allura, who shot him a confused and disapproving look.

“I know who Blue is, Lance,” she reminded him. “They’re connected to my lifeforce,” Allura’s eyes turned back towards Blue, who straightened up. “Hey, beautiful,” her voice took a softer tone, and Lance blanched, before stepping backwards and watched his Lion through his lashes, waiting.

A part of Lance wanted Blue to refuse. To say _no_ , like how Lance had said so many times. He knew they wouldn’t listen to him, but if his Lion agreed, then maybe--

 _It’s for the best_.

That small voice sounded a lot like Shiro’s, and Lance hunched in on himself. He glanced at Blue, and for a moment, it felt like they were staring at each other, solemnly. Finally, with a bitter huff, Lance nodded, making Blue whine a bit in his head, before she lowered herself to allow Allura to stroke her.

“T-take... care of her,” Lance’s voice cracked, and he stiffened, trying to clear his throat and play it off like he was coughing. After his ‘fit’, he straightened up to stare evenly at Allura. “Don’t hurt her, okay?” It sounded vaguely threatening, and a whole lot of desperate; Allura blinked at him, before her face contorted into a serious one, and she nodded at him.

“I will,” she promised.

For a moment, there was brief understanding, and Lance felt all the tension leave his body. He grinned rather silly at her, and sent her two thumbs up. “Coolio,” he chirped, eyes flicking to Blue. “You hear that, beautiful? She’s going to take good care of you until I come back, okay?”

Blue purred in his mind, his connection thinning back out into a soft lull of waves in the back of his mind.

“Okay,” Keith cut in, voice soft. Lance glanced at him, warily. He was staring at Lance intently, making Lance’s hackles rise slightly. “Now that Blue is acquainted with Allura, we’ll move on with Red,” he continued, awkwardly jerking his thumb towards his Lion. Lance felt apprehension and nervousness well up inside him, and he had to fight to keep his expression neutral.

As much as Lance didn’t want to do this, he felt a bit nervous about if he actually _good_ enough for Red. Or if Red even wanted to work with him in the first place. It was an amazing spectacle when Red left the fucking _castle_ , and crashed a base just to save her Paladin; that was a type of loyalty that Lance didn’t want to dare cross. And now-- now he was expected to just replace Keith for the time being without any backlash from Red.

Either they had immense faith in Lance and his amazingly persuasive ways, or they just didn’t care about that and just thought he’d make a good replacement for Keith anyways. Or maybe they were taking advantage of the fact that Blue was the most accepting of the Lions, and Lance was the more interchangeable one--

Lance clenched his fists, and nodded curtly. His jaw was clenched. “Sure,” he forced out, smile a bit too wide to be real.

Keith nodded back, and started to walk towards Red. Lance glanced at Allura and Blue, who were seemingly deep in a murmured conversation. Hunk shot him a thumbs up, and an encouraging smile. Pidge nodded at him, eyes sharp as they flickered from Blue and Allura, and back towards Lance.

Not feeling even a bit assured, Lance followed Keith.

“Red,” Keith greeted, firmly. Red didn’t bow like Blue, she sat straight and proud. Lance felt sorely intimidated, but Keith just looked vaguely annoyed. “Red, I spoke to you about this; we’re all not happy about it, but it’s a needed arrangement.” A moment’s pause. “It’s just until we find Shiro, and we _will_ ,” Keith continued, gritting his teeth slightly.

“Er, are you guys talking to each other through the bond?” Lance chanced a wave at the fiery Lion, awkwardly. He cleared his throat, glancing between the former Red Paladin and his Lion.

A moment’s silence. “No,” Keith admitted with a heavy sigh, running a frustrated hand through his hair. “We haven’t been on the best of terms as of late,” Keith hedged, glaring slightly at his Lion.

“I bet,” Lance muttered, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Does-- does she not like it?” _Not like me_?

“Who likes this arrangement,” Keith asked, though it sounded like a statement. A very deep understatement. “But it’s only until Shiro comes back,” he sounded like he was trying to convince himself. Lance shifted, uncomfortably.

_What if they get Shiro back, and liked Allura more as the Blue Paladin? What if they don’t need him-- what will happen then?_

Lance felt slightly sick, and glanced away from Keith and his Lion.

Swallowing rather dryly, he said, “Maybe this won’t work.”

Keith swung a heavy glare at him, eyes literally dark and smoldering. They were very pretty, like volcanic glass. It matched his sooty hair quite well. Keith always reminded Lance of something burning, heat and fire, intense, a different type of intense than the ocean Lance liked to associate himself with. “It _has_ to work,” Keith insisted, hotly.

Lance raised his hands defensively. “Tell your Lion that, not me,” he said, shooting a glance at the Red Lion. “You have to take in an account of everyone’s feelings when coming to a decision,” unlike what had happened last night, or currently happening. Lance slammed down the lid on that bitter line of thinking, opting to go with the flow and complain a lot if need be. Dramatic and flair was always used to describe Lance when things didn’t go his way; he just thought that he was intense in his own way, hardly doing things halfway when it came down to it.

“We need to make sacrifices for the greater good,” Keith slid his hot glare at his Lion.

“ _We_ ?” Lance raised an eyebrow, irritation swelling up inside him. “It seems like you’re making decisions for all of us here, it’s not a ‘ _we_ ’ thing here, Keith,” he reminded him, placing his hands on his hips.

“Don’t fucking start with me, Lance,” Keith warned, gritting his teeth. “It’s what Shiro would have wanted,” he seethed, and Lance placed an offended hand on his chest, blinking innocently at Keith.

Ice was in his voice. “Oh, it’s what Shiro would have wanted? What about what _we_ want, huh?” _What about what_ **_I_ ** _want?_ “You’re still making decisions for us, Keith. For me, _and_ your Lion. You’re not being a good leader if you just force us to go with whatever plan you want, in the end.”

Keith threw up his hands, frustrated. “You guys just don’t understand,” he stressed. It seemed like a damn broke, and Lance was confronted with the full force of Keith’s frustration and stress, burning and hot. Lance braced himself, fingers flexing at his side. “Especially _you_ ,” Keith snarled, voice growing more feral. “Why can’t you just listen?”

“I’m listening,” Lance shot back, feeling the dark turbulent waves inside him rising up, threatening. “And I’m politely disagreeing with everything you’re saying,” he smiled at him, sharp with icy politeness.

“You’re being difficult,” Keith narrowed his eyes. His voice became raised, tense with barely held back anger. For a moment, Lance wondered if Keith would give in and launch himself at him-- but Keith pulled back, pressing his eyes tight, and tried to control his breathing, “Patience yields focus,” he mumbled, distractedly, fingers curling and uncurling.

Lance felt oddly disappointed, and retreated also.

Maybe Lance was being difficult. Maybe he was trying to make Keith’s life a living hell just because he didn’t want to be his replacement, antagonizing him. But Lance also felt vaguely justified, not liking the way Keith (and Allura, but mostly Keith) was running things, didn’t like how his already-not-so-needed opinions were even _more_ unneeded. Shiro at least had the decency to pretend to listen to him, and his inane suggestions, and concerns.

Lance just felt really bitter.

Turning away from the mumbling Paladin, he stared evenly up at Red. He sighed, stepping forward to place a hand gingerly on one of its paws. “Nice to meet you, Red,” he greeted, tiredly. Lance tried to offer her a cocky grin, but it came off more as a grimace. “I know, this situation sucks, and everything sucks, especially Keith,” he shot a glare at the still mumbling ‘leader’ behind him, mood darkening slightly. “But Keith is a stubborn jerk, and he won’t give up on this.”

Red was unmoving, and Lance wondered if he pressed his fingers more into her smooth and metallic surface if she would burn him.

As much as Lance wanted to keep rising hell about Keith’s position, about this whole situation-- that would only lead him endless circles around this whole subject. If there was one thing Lance wanted to be, it was adaptable. Accepting, even. Pushing everything down, his own turbulent and confusing feelings, the dark depths of ocean threatening to sink him-- he pushed all of that down just to stay afloat, to keep his head above water, and to _think_.

 _Think like Keith_ , Lance taunted himself. _Try and understand his point of view in order to accept him more easily_.

Keith wasn’t thinking of himself, to be honest. He wasn’t thinking of anyone’s feelings; he was doing what he felt was needed to be the Defenders of the Universe. What he thought Shiro would have wanted. If there was one flaw in this whole thing, it was that Keith thought everyone should feel the same. Should feel the same sacrificial and masochistic way of thinking in order to really gain the title of Defenders.

 _Lance wanted to lash out at that_.

But-- in a way, it made sense. Lance was no way happy, as were Keith, and Hunk, and Pidge, and generally everyone else. But it was necessary, Lance duly reminded himself.

 _By no way does this mean he’s happy with it_.

Lance stared up at Red, feeling the familiar and frankly unnerving feel of eyes following him. Keith had finally stopped mumbling to himself to jerk and call out Lance’s name, almost confused and slightly irritated. Ignoring his temporary leader, and one-sided rival, Lance smiled, small and wan, at the Lion.

It was sincere, though.

“Until this whole thing blows over,” Lance offered. “I’d be honored to suffer through it with you.”

Red’s eyes glowed.

-0-0-0-

“You know, when I said that--” Lance wheezed, as he was thrown around Red’s cockpit. “I didn’t mean literally,” he was thrown against the dashboard, and he grunted as the impact left him breathless. He struggled back into the seat, bracing himself as he lead Red through a series of dodges, trying to keep out of the castle’s range.

Red was silent, but forceful in his mind. He mentally translated that to, _shut up and focus_.

“Lance,” Keith barked through the intercom. “Don’t-- not- augh,” Keith grunted in frustration. “Don’t be so dumb,” he insisted, at last, and Lance felt annoyance tick on his face. What the hell-- okay, sure, Keith was bad with words.

Lance was too, sometimes. They’d fumble and get caught awkwardly in his throat when his mind scrambles, and his mouth is moving too fast for his mind to comprehend. Or vice versa, where his mind is moving too fast for his mouth to comprehend. It happens.

But Keith was just _bad_ with words.

“I’m sorry,” Lance spat out, under the pressure of guiding Red and working with that shaky bond to the best of his abilities, and dodging castle lasers, _and_ facing scrutiny from Keith-- it was a lot for one guy to handle! “It’s second nature for me to act so dumb,” he continued. “It’s not like I’m, you know, _trying not to die here_!”

“Why is this so hard?” Hunk bemoaned, and Lance watched from the corner of his eye as Yellow took a slight hit, throwing it off course and rolling. “I’m gonna puke,” Hunk grunted and groaned, and Lance gritted his teeth.

Coran’s voice supplied an answer, cheery. “It’s like a real Galra battle, but imagine _thousands_ of fleets instead of just one!”

Lance wanted to smash his head against the control panel. Maybe bashing his brains in would be a better alternative to this Spartan training, or, _dios_ help them, if that ‘maybe’ scenario came true. Especially when they were just now getting used to their new arrangement.

Lance and Red clashed together as one might expected.

Annoyingly, Allura and Blue got off surprisingly well, as did Keith and Black. It seemed like Lance was the only one having problems with Red, and he felt the beginnings of a headache begin to pulse and lengthen behind his eyes, throbbing.

The feeble bond that was shakily constructed when Lance was introduced to her was straining at best. It felt different from the bond he shared with Blue, which reminded him of gentle waves of the ocean, sea salt and cool spray almost hitting him but not quite-- Red’s bond was consuming, burning, and left Lance’s heart racing and him blacking out on the edges of his vision every time he focused on it too much. It was whiplash, jumping from the ocean and into a smoldering volcano type of difference.

It was almost like Red was holding back from him, almost.

As burning, and intense, the bond was-- there was some sort of... density, there. Straining just to get thoughts across, and just to receive them from Red.

Maybe it was because he wasn’t originally bonded to her. Maybe Allura and Keith suffered from the same thing, but if so, they managed to excel with it-- so why couldn’t Lance?

Gritting his teeth, Lance heard Pidge take a hit, and hearing her curse rather liberally. “I was using my cloaking device,” she complained, as Green shimmered back into view. “I knew I shouldn’t have helped install the invisibility detecting feature on the castle,” she spat, and Lance was about to reply, before realizing he was heading her way.

Lance tried to time a perfect moment to pull up, so Red would barely dodge her and hopefully both of them wouldn’t collide--

 _Don’t think, act_.

Needless to say, both Green and Red collided.

“What the holy fuck, Lance?” PIdge shouted at him, and Lance was picking himself up from the floor. His body felt bruised and aching, his head throbbing. He had bitten his tongue rather harshly from that impact, and he could taste the tangy copper of blood swell in his mouth.

“Sorry,” Lance offered, wincing as he felt the bond with Red dim slightly. It would be harder to steer her now, harder than before. “Just-- er, lost in thought,” he played off weakly.

“During _this_?” Allura sounded reproachful. “Lance, I’d appreciate it if you take training seriously,” she ordered promptly.

“I _am_ taking this seriously,” Lance defended. “It’s just that-- we’ve been at this for awhile! And my head is starting to hurt,” he mumbled the last bit, closing his eyes as a blast from the laser made him veer Red off course, insteading flying up and facing this planet’s sun. It was bright, and made his head throb painfully. And it was seriously distracting now that he was in the air, swerving Red through a bunch of ungraceful swoops just to avoid the castle’s attacks.

Red’s helpful comment from earlier had broken Lance’s concentration, and it was seemingly painful for him to concentrate on anything Red might be trying to communicate to him.

Keith made a rude noise. “Don’t purposely injure my Lion, Lance,” he threatened.

“It’s not like I’m trying to in the first place,” Lance snapped back, without heat.

“Lance is right, we’ve been at this for a seriously long time now,” came Hunk’s helpful comment. Pidge made an agreeing noise, her Lion shimmering shakily out of sight.

Allura disagreed. “Would it matter to the Galra?” She asked, no nonsense and formal. “Do you think Zarkon’s forces would care if we’re a little tired, or for how long a battle commences?”

“They probably won’t care, but I expect us to care!” Hunk protested, a bit put off. “We’re tired, and hungry, princess.”

Surprisingly, it was Keith who became the voice of reason. “Hunk’s right, we’ve been at this for a long time. Training for long periods of time without rest can wear on one’s psyche, and make them unfit for battle when the time comes for it,” the words sounded a bit robotic, a bit forced, because _duh_ , Keith is the one lecturing this? _Keith_?

It was common knowledge that Keith was one of the combat specialists of Voltron, previous Right-Hand, and trained like _hell_.

Allura’s displeased silence was telling enough. At last, she conceded with a heavy sigh. “Fine. Coran, please shut down the castle’s defensive and offensive positions,” she ordered, and Coran made an agreeing noise. The force field that surrounded the castle shimmered as it retreated, and Lance felt like he could almost cry with joy when he was finally allowed to land Red safely on the planet’s surface.

“We survived,” Lance enthused, making sure the comms were on. Soon, the cams were on, and Lance made sure to give the team his most cockiest smile. “I don’t know about you guys, but I think Red and I did pretty well,” he boasted, and he could practically feel Red’s presence almost scoff in the dense and somehow thin connection they had.

Keith rolled his eyes, even as he slumped back into the Black Lion’s chair and looked like he’d been running a marathon through the 7th layer of the earth’s crust. His mouth was pursed into a thin line, as he fiddled with Black’s controls. At last, he offered a stiff, “Good job, team.”

“That was a lot harder than I remember it being,” Hunk sighed, as Yellow landed beside Lance. Hunk looked visibly relieved, and through the cam, Lance saw Hunk looked at him in concern. “Are you okay, Lance?”

 _What a good friend_. “I’m the bestest best that ever bested,” Lance replied, feeling the headache pulse into something that could be put on the back burner for now. He’d still have to make a surprise trip to the infirmary later to get some pain medicine, but as for now, he was just glad that torture was over.

“Do you even English?” Pidge snorted, dryly. “Your grammar just then was atrocious.”

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t know my 8th grade English teacher was here,” Lance gasped, placing a hand over his mouth. “ _Voy a intentar hacerlo mejor la próxima vez_ .” _I’ll try to do better next time_ . Lance grinned at Pidge’s annoyed and bland face, “Sorry, I don’t remember seeing _you_ trying to navigate two languages, Mrs. Smarty Pants.”

“You speak other languages, Lance?” Allura sounded genuinely surprised.

“Just two,” Lance smiled, proudly puffing his chest up. “My native language and English.”

Pidge made a curious noise, interrupting whatever Allura was going to say next. “Actually, on this subject of languages, I am curious as to why _you_ can speak English. Or pretty much every other alien that we have managed to encounter.”

Hunk blinked. “You know, I never really thought about that.”

“Wow, that’s weird,” Lance offered, blinking as well. Lance never noticed that, too busy with worrying about Zarkon, figuring his team out, being homesick, and how to keep up his skin routine in space. “Maybe--” Lance cut himself out, before shrugging. He pulled Red out of what he called general ‘resting’ mode. “I don’t know, and I don’t care? I’m hungry and tired, and I’m heading back,” he concluded.

Keith was frowning at the information before clearing his throat. “As interesting as that-- er, thing is,” he said, awkwardly. “Let’s head back to the castle to do general repairs, and reports; afterwards, we can shower and eat.”

“Sounds like a good idea to me,” Hunk practically salivated at the mention of food. “I’m so hungry, I could eat a horse. Or a very fat and juicy cow,” his eyes became distant.

Lance was promptly horrified. “Leave Kaltenecker out of this, Hunk!”

“Wait, I didn’t mean,” Hunk tried to backtrack, also horrified. “I would _never_ hurt Kaltenecker, Lance!”

Pidge spoke, ominously. “You say that now, but just wait until we’re stranded in space far away from any eatable substance, and our only option is Kaltenecker. Either that, or force ourselves to go insane after eating nothing but space goo.”

“Over my dead body,” Lance insisted. “You hear that? DEAD. As in hashtag: D-E-D. Dead.”

“D-E-D?” Pidge scoffed. “You must have have been a nightmare to your English teachers, Lance,” she told him seriously.

“What are you talking about? I’m an _angel_ ,” Lance sniffed, slightly offended. The rest of the team groaned, Hunk sending him a silent chuckle of amusement. Usually, Blue was a soothing presence during this general jackassery that the team usually engaged in after training, especially with their Lions. She usually enthused and supported Lance, and helped him fulfil the general need to lighten the air with him.

Red was silent and sullen presence in his mind.

And as much as Lance didn’t want to blame her for making him feel slightly-- out of it? Down? It was pretty obvious that she wasn’t willing to engage in this, much like a silent and sullen Keith who was currently brooding in the Black Lion. Sure, there were many things that could also factor into the fact that _everything_ wasn’t right, and it wasn’t a nice time to laugh and joke around so freely like this, such as the Lion switching, and the the disappearance of Shiro but-- Lance found it really hard to really force himself to stay bitter, to stay hateful, sometimes.

While he generally _felt_ it, and almost drowns in it on occasion, Lance liked to think his personality was like two sides of the same coin. His moods were capricornus and overwhelming, whether it was wetting his ego with one of his many adventures and misgivings, or falling occasional victim to homesickness, Lance never felt things half-way. Dramatic and intense, almost whiplash giving, was usually what Lance used to describe himself. After many trials and errors, Lance had managed to create some type of facade that he could use to help deter people from his deeper moods that sometimes arises, suffocating. While it was no way good, it was basically Lance’s ego but BIGGER, it usually worked fine because his deeper and darker moods went away within an evening of heavy and intense brooding, or short and often violent bursts of anger.

It was hard to tell how the day would go for Lance, when he first woke up. His moods were wild and liked to take him on rides, and given the nature of the day, his moods could stay lighthearted and ego-tastic, or give way to the heavy weight of Lance’s darker moods. Blue was understanding, accepting even, and helped him tide through until Lance was feeling more like Lance again.

Blue was helpful. Blue was _his_.

And connecting to Red was like-- something Lance couldn’t describe. One some cheaper, and rather shallow, level, it felt like he was cheating on Blue with Red. That was silly and absurd, of course, considering that this was only temporary. On deeper levels, Lance’s bitter feelings would rise and drag him down, a heavy chain around his ankle, into the deep and rather unknown abyss of being Keith’s fucking replacement _again_. Another layer of hell Lance refused to subject himself think about was what if Allura replaced him? Another better paladin with war experience, and better diplomatic and sharpshooter skills than him, replacing him?

 _What will happen then_?

-0-0-0-

It was only after his team was asleep did he venture out to see Red.

“Hey, uh,” Lance greeted, feeling Red’s eyes on him. “Dude,” he finished, and the small bond that they shared, Lance felt like Red snorted dryly at him. That was before she dismissed him entirely and the familiar feeling of eyes on him disappeared, making Lance frown. That-- well, that was a bit annoying, but oh well.

His main reason for coming out here was to connect with Red a bit more. If he did that, it’d be easier to pilot her more, and then he won’t be a burden to the team. Allura and Blue, as stated before, got along _really_ well. Keith, as fucking usual, was a natural at everything, and was natural at piloting Black. Lance-- Lance didn’t want to be left behind again, didn’t want to become a burden, refused to become nothing more than Keith’s fucking replacement once more. He’d wanted to be the best goddamn teammate ever, and that-- that included being able to pilot any Lion, no matter if it was his or Red, proficiently. And while he felt slightly envious of the fact that Keith seemed to take things naturally like a fish to water, Lance was proud of himself that he was a hard worker.

And anything could be accomplished when you put your mind to it.

With that in mind, Lance puffed himself up, and continued. “It’s a nice night outside. The moon is green, and that’s-- well, that’s pretty different from what I am used to, haha. The constellations are all different, as well,” Lance glanced towards the ceiling, indicating the sky. Red’s attention didn’t return to him, and Lance twitched. “Er, after-- after we finished training today, sourpuss Keith actually congratulated me, ya’ know? It was a weird experience, considering he never really talked to me much before.”

For a brief moment, Red’s attention wavered back onto him.

Lance grinned, victorious and slightly empathetic.

 _Did-- did she miss him_?

Of course she did, Lance reprimanded himself. She tore apart a base just for him, without a pilot, for _him_ . And Keith wasn’t all that good at social calls, now was he? And with his spartan and rather masochistic way of thinking, of training, of _leading_ \-- did he even visit with her, yet? Lance had visited Blue, earlier, after dinner, to chat with her and find comfort in their bond that reminded Lance so much of an ocean. It also served as a reassurance to Lance that the bond between Blue and himself wasn’t fading away anytime soon.

“You know,” Lance said, coyly. He laid himself down beside her giant paw, staring up at her gigantic form. “I met Keith at Garrison. He was in my general education classes, though we soon were split up when it became rather obvious that Keith was a fucking _pro_. And-- and he was, I’ll admit,” Lance glanced away, letting out a huff of hollow laughter. “He was the number 1, of anything, and I’ll-- I wasn’t the best, but I was good. He was always so far ahead of me, in every way,” Lance’s voice became distant. “But I was determined to catch up.”

Lance fed the faint nostalgia and memories through to Red. Remembers seeing the mullet brush past him on the way to class, Keith leaving the air practically scorched in his wake. Lance had been momentarily stunned, before puffing himself and following him into the classroom, making sure to keep his chin up and shoulders straight. The memories cycled through the days, the weeks, the months-- always so close to Keith, but never exactly on his level.

And then the Kerberos mission happened, and failed.

Keith grew angrier, much more out of line. And then he was expelled for misconduct, and then Lance had received the notice that he was changing classes from _cargo_ pilot to _fighter_ pilot, his dream come true. It was only tainted by the fact that he was only allowed to be in the class, to fulfil his dream, because Keith had up and left-- Lance was only there because Keith couldn’t be, and that colored everything an ugly color, leaving a sour taste in his mouth.

Keith wasn’t even _there_ , and Lance was still being compared to him.

And now-- now this.

Red’s connection to him had grew, wavering, but grew with him, probably to accept more of whatever Lance could offer to her of Keith. It still burned a headache behind his eyes, almost melting his brain, and Lance had to press his eyes shut against the pain. “Keith is a stubborn asshole,” was all that Lance finished with, making Red snort dryly in his head.

A moment’s hesitation. _He sure is_ , Red’s feeling fed through the connection.

It was still a bit weird how the Lions conversed with them, not actually thoughts, not words-- but feelings, and meanings. It was so much more intimate, and also very vague, how they communicated.

Lance still had the faint notion that Red was going to somehow burn him through their connection, could feel the hot air fan his face, could practically taste the smoke on his tongue.

“Shiro has to be out there, somewhere,” Lance said, after a few moments of staring and practically vibing with Red. He was still trying to get used to the connection, trying to stabilize it so it’d be easier to fly with her tomorrow. Keith and Allura had heavily hinted at _Voltron_ , and Lance wasn’t sure he was ready for that.

Red was silent.

“... I hope he’s okay,” Lance offered. “I don’t know what we will do without him. Especially Keith, he-- they seem close, you know? They always appeared close, to be honest. There was a reason why Keith was the Right Hand of Voltron. Keith and Shiro always hung out together, just as much as Pidge and Hunk pair off together-- it’s...”

 _It’s like they don’t want to hang out with me_.

Lance wasn’t an idiot, he knew he was probably everyone’s least favorite Paladin.

“It’s weird,” Lance cleared his throat. “Do you think they gossip? I bet they gossip about stuff, like- hair products, or something. I doubt it though, have you noticed Keith’s hair? A _mullet_ ? It looks soft, but I once asked him about what hair products he used-- and do you know what he said? He just used _soap_. The very same soap to wash your body, and that’s so offensive, like seriously? I have to condition my hair everytime I shower just to get my soft brown locks.” A pause as Lance considered Red. “And let’s not get into Keith’s skincare routine. He doesn’t have any. Which is bullshit.”

 _How the fuck can he look so pretty with clear skin if he doesn’t have one_?

If Red could convey an eyebrow raising, she was doing it. But her feelings fed through the feed, and Lance could detect some reluctant amusement.

Lance paused, pressing his eyes closed. His fingers fiddled with his sleeves, as he tried to consider what else to talk about. He was a chatty person, at heart, and always blabbered on and on about small things, about big things, about his own egos, about other people-- the deafening silence was awkward and suffocating, Lance needed some ambiance to be able to function properly.

“...I come from a large family, you know?” Lance ventured to say, a bit relieved that the connection between Red and him was still up and going. “I have a mom, a dad, two older siblings, and two younger siblings. That’s just for my house, and not to mention the other family members that often visit. My aunties, and uncles, and cousins-- I even have a few grandpas and grandmas. I have a _huge_ family. I’m in the middle of it all.”

Red’s silence wasn’t as discomforting as it was at first. Lance dealt with people who preferred silence, and while they didn’t like to talk, most people didn’t like to be alone. Lance just needed to talk to her without expecting an answer. Easy, Lance could blabber on and on until his mind scrambled and the words collapsed and tangled on his tongue, coming out in an indecipherable dribble.

And thus began the nightly routine of Lance trying to bond with the Red Lion.

-0-0-0-

If Lance was a bit more tired, a bit more erratic in his behavior, no one commented.

If Lance was a bit more bruised during the following weeks, a bit more worn out, and a bit more sore, no one commented.

_Lance didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing._

-0-0-0-

“Form Voltron,” Keith ordered, voice curt. The team shouted affirmatives, even Lance who gritted his teeth and tried not to grimace at the pain that befell him as soon as he put effort into it. While the bond between Red and Lance had grown a bit more, became a bit more comfortable to deal with, the density was still there as if Red was still holding something back, and at times the bond became weak and scratchy against Lance’s brain--

Lance may be used to discomfort the bond with Red had brought, he will never be used to the pain that forming Voltron brings.

Nonetheless, he persisted.

Voltron stood up rather unsteadily on the terrain of the planet they were using for the time being. Lance was still kind of unused to being so high, unused to be an arm instead of a leg. His brain throbbed as he tried to focus on Keith running through practices, his breathing rapid and shallow as he fiddled with the Red Bayard, awaiting his turn.

His brain felt all hot and achy, throbbing along with his heartbeat. He felt like any second, his brain would just melt and ooze from all his orifices of his face.

“Lance,” Keith’s voice cut through the pain. “Form the sword,” he ordered.

“Coming right up,” Lance responded, waiting for Red to open up to him. They had performed this a few times, and each time was a struggle of wills. Red made a disgruntled noise in the back of lance’s skull, making him breathe out a tightly controlled and low sigh of pain. “Any second now,” Lance tried to stall for time, frowning internally.

“We don’t have all day, Lance,” Keith seemingly frowned the words, which was rather impressive.

 _Tell your Lion that, not me_ . Lance choked out a little laugh, “Don’t worry, Mullet, I got this,” he said. _We_ got this, he internally corrected himself. _Come on, Red_ , he internally begged. The quicker they did this, the quicker they’d be able to go back to the castle to rest from the bond that they had constructed for themselves. Red made a somewhat rude noise back, the pain intensifying briefly and Lance had to turn off all of his comms to choke out a low groan, pressing his eyes tight.

But Red opened up to him, and all that was left for Lance was to slam his temporary bayard in.

An intense jolt shot up his arm, numbing it, and Lance had to grit his teeth at it. That was also normal, and expected now, from doing this with Red. While it didn’t hurt per say, it got uncomfortably close and felt painstakingly numb, even after they both retracted from the sword.

After training was over, Lance piloted Red to a stop, and more or less stumbled out of her. He straightened himself up when the other Lions, and his friends, landed near him, making sure to smile through the pain and exhaustion he was feeling currently. Lance didn’t want his friends to know his struggle with piloting Red, either due to his pride and/or the fact that he wasn’t going to bring this team down.

He promised himself that he was going to _excel_ at this, no matter how much pain and exhaustion he forced himself to go through.

Perseverance was something that Lance prided himself on, after all.

“Lance?” Keith walked up to him, taking off his helmet. He shook his hair free, and Lance was vividly reminded of one of those shampoo commercials. He snickered, making Keith pause and narrow his eyes slightly at him. “What?” He hedged, reluctantly.

“Nothing, nothing,” Lance responded, still grinning amusedly. “Anyways, what’s up?” Keith still looked slightly suspicious, but he nodded and cleared his throat.

“I wanted to say--” Keith seemed to have difficulty to keep staring at him evenly in the eyes, making Lance curt an eyebrow slightly. “You did good today,” Keith finished, lamely. “And that if you-- have any trouble at all, just-- tell me?”

“Right,” Lance drawled, a bit reluctant himself. He mentally shrugged that off, and grinned rather cockily at Keith, flashing him two thumbs up. “Don’t worry about it, dudebro, I’m fine! No need to worry about me,” he chirped, making annoyance flicker over Keith’s face briefly.

“Uh-huh,” Keith turned away. “Don’t forget to fill out those daily training reports,” he reminded him as he walked away, towards Hunk and Pidge who were arguing over something near Green, good naturedly. Lance felt a twinge, before he turned to stare up at Red.

“I like to think we’re making progress yet,” Lance confided in Red, the thin and dense bond between them flaring up slightly. Lance almost staggered underneath the weight of holding it steady, and Red pulled back some. “Don’t worry about me,” Lance told her, breathing tightly through his nose. “I’m fine.”

A sullen silence.

At last, Red hesitantly reached out to him again. _You’re a good liar_ , Red admitted, making Lance snort, almost choking on air. _And the scary thing is that you don’t even know it. Stubborn_.

Not know about himself lying? Lance grinned, tiredly, up at Red. “Am I lying?” He asked, curiously. “And stubborn? I thought you liked that about your paladins,” he teased, slightly. Red almost scoffed in his head, making Lance sigh. He somehow irritated her again, making her recede, and he couldn’t help but draw comparisons to her and Keith. He always seemed to have a knack for being annoying without meaning too.

Whatever. It wasn’t like he wasn’t used to it.

“I’ll come visit you later, okay?” Lance promised, as he trudged after Hunk and Pidge, Allura and Keith already gone from the hangar. Pidge was tapping her foot impatiently, and Hunk waved at him enthusiastically.

For a brief moment, everything felt normal, despite how tired and uncomfortable Lance currently was.

It was a feeling that wasn’t going to occur often.


End file.
